This blog has got to be one of the most neglected blogs ever. I have come up with reasons and excuses as to why but they are all in the end lame justification for not sitting down and writing something. I have made a few attempts at a few posts but I have always ended up pressing delete. The thoughts floating around in my head and the things going on in my life are beyond overwhelming right now. And every time I sit down to post it seems like a jumbled mess and uninteresting to anyone who might actually read it. But tonight I need the thoughts in my head to be words on a page and I also need a blog post so I’m just going to kill two birds with one stone.
You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.
-Hebrews 10:36
This verse has hit me hard this week. Like I said above life is overwhelming and busy. Mine and my family’s to-do list is unbelievably long and I am starting to feel that every time we check something off 3 or 4 are added to the list. I feel completely unmotivated because I know the list is not going to stop growing. But when I sit and try to relax I stress about what I should be doing.
The over thinker in me is starting to take over and my emotions are shot. I have known my family is moving and I am going to college for some time now but I think it is just now starting to become real. My family is everything to me and not seeing them every day is going to be hard. I know I will adjust; I always do. But I also have always hated the fear of the unknown and this is a lot of unknown for me to take on at one time. On top of having to take it on pretty much by myself.
My family is moving and I am staying and as much as I hate it it’s the right thing, and God has proved this to me in the last couple days. He has shown me how much I rely on myself and my own strengths to get me through tough situations, and when I can’t handle something on my own I usually turn to the help of my family next. But when they move they aren’t going to be as easily accessible to help me anymore. And sadly it has taken all of this to realize it but I have to start relying completely and fully on God in this situation. As hard is I am starting see that God is using this situation to teach me and bring me closer to him.
I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
-Psalm 121:1
I know that my family will always be there to help me in any way that they can but I am realizing that part of being an adult is handling different situations on my own. God has shown my family and me, multiple times, that we are doing that right thing and that makes this whole thing bearable, but definitely not easy. The tears have already begun and I don't know that they will stop for a while. And that flight to Dallas from Singapore is going to be one of the toughest things I do all summer and I already dread it. But I will get on that plane and move to college and start my life as an adult because that’s part of God’s plan for me. And I know that God will never leave me, and my family will always love me and those two things alone will get me through this.
2 comments:
Tori, you have the heart of a Christ follower and you are such an incredible young woman. I am so proud of you and your growth, not only emotionally but spiritually. You never cease to amaze me! I love you with all my heart, and I want you to know that being nothing at all like your mom, I'll do my very best to help you when she is gone. You can call, write, talk, cry, share or whatever you need to do. You are such a large part of my heart and always will be. I hope you know that!
I love you so very very much,
Ollie
Tori--oh, how I wish I had the wisdom you have when I was your age. About the time of this post I was having these very same feeling about our family moving to Singapore! And Hebrews 10:35-36 was a recent Scripture memory of mine. How cool is that? I can't imagine all the emotions we're all going to be dealing with in the next few months, but I know our God is HUGE and will take care of all our needs. (I needed to say that as much for my benefit as for yours!) And our to-do list just keeps getting longer and longer, too. :-) You have such a sweet spirit, and I'm blessed to have met you!
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