All That I Can Do

Ok so my prediction of me not being able to post so much has been right so far. But we are coming up on the holidays and I hoping to have more time to sit down and devote more time to blogging. And trust me if time allows blogging will most definitely be happening. I have so many thoughts floating around in my head these days…more than usual which is pretty unbelievable :)

Anyway I have been going through this period of sort of questioning God about the things that are going and are fixing to be going on in my life. I know my family and I are embarking on this period of change. I have this overwhelming feeling that I somehow am flying into adulthood way to fast. And yes this is totally going to be an “I told you so moment” but now that I am gaining that freedom that I have always wanted it freaks me out :) I can honestly say that I never would have seen Singapore in the plans for my family. Don’t get me wrong I am more than excited about what my family has been given the opportunity to do. But then other times I realize that my family is going to be thousands of miles away not easily accessible and I’m starting college.

I’m not sure how I’m going to adjust, but on the other hand I know I don’t really have choice. My family is moving soon whether I want them to or not. I am graduating high school in a few weeks whether I’m ready or not. I have to go to college and survive on my own…whether I want to or not. So these days my prayers seem to be overwhelmingly devoted to asking God to help me be content and okay with where I am going to be pretty soon. I don’t want to spend the next few years of my life dwelling on how my life is moving and changing faster than I was ready for. I don’t just want to survive life, I want to live every second of everyday and know that God knows exactly why I am where I am. I want God to show me how to love the things he has allowed my family and me to do…even if I never saw them as a part of my plans.

No, I’m not sure how I am going to handle my family moving…I hate goodbyes even for short periods of time. I don’t know how long it is going to take me to get used to all of this. I don’t know how I’m going to like being a “big girl”. But one thing I do know and the one thing that gives me comfort is God. I know that he will be the one I can cling to and trust to help me find the good in situations I don’t understand.

During all of my hours of thinking, praying, and thinking some more :) I have found the chorus to Bethany Dillon’s song All That I Can Do playing in my head over and over…

All that I can do is hold onto you
And follow where you lead
Where you're leading me
All that I can do is hold onto you
And let you bring me through
It's all that I can do

So I feel like I’ve kind of rambled on but here is the cliff notes version of this blog. I am feeling worried and nervous about what is going on in my life. But somewhere in the midst of that there is peace. God never fails and he is all I need. And with that promise I can allow myself to be excited and sit back and enjoy this ride.