This blog has got to be one of the most neglected blogs ever. I have come up with reasons and excuses as to why but they are all in the end lame justification for not sitting down and writing something. I have made a few attempts at a few posts but I have always ended up pressing delete. The thoughts floating around in my head and the things going on in my life are beyond overwhelming right now. And every time I sit down to post it seems like a jumbled mess and uninteresting to anyone who might actually read it. But tonight I need the thoughts in my head to be words on a page and I also need a blog post so I’m just going to kill two birds with one stone.
You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.
-Hebrews 10:36
This verse has hit me hard this week. Like I said above life is overwhelming and busy. Mine and my family’s to-do list is unbelievably long and I am starting to feel that every time we check something off 3 or 4 are added to the list. I feel completely unmotivated because I know the list is not going to stop growing. But when I sit and try to relax I stress about what I should be doing.
The over thinker in me is starting to take over and my emotions are shot. I have known my family is moving and I am going to college for some time now but I think it is just now starting to become real. My family is everything to me and not seeing them every day is going to be hard. I know I will adjust; I always do. But I also have always hated the fear of the unknown and this is a lot of unknown for me to take on at one time. On top of having to take it on pretty much by myself.
My family is moving and I am staying and as much as I hate it it’s the right thing, and God has proved this to me in the last couple days. He has shown me how much I rely on myself and my own strengths to get me through tough situations, and when I can’t handle something on my own I usually turn to the help of my family next. But when they move they aren’t going to be as easily accessible to help me anymore. And sadly it has taken all of this to realize it but I have to start relying completely and fully on God in this situation. As hard is I am starting see that God is using this situation to teach me and bring me closer to him.
I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
-Psalm 121:1
I know that my family will always be there to help me in any way that they can but I am realizing that part of being an adult is handling different situations on my own. God has shown my family and me, multiple times, that we are doing that right thing and that makes this whole thing bearable, but definitely not easy. The tears have already begun and I don't know that they will stop for a while. And that flight to Dallas from Singapore is going to be one of the toughest things I do all summer and I already dread it. But I will get on that plane and move to college and start my life as an adult because that’s part of God’s plan for me. And I know that God will never leave me, and my family will always love me and those two things alone will get me through this.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Catching up
So blogging hasn’t happened in FOREVER…oops. But life has not been lacking chaos over the last few weeks so blogging hasn’t made the list of things to do. Anyway here is what has been going on since the last time I signed into blogger. Let’s see
1) Christmas!! It was a great Christmas I got some great gifts and loved spending it with my family. It was bitter sweet considering it was the last of its kind for a while but the changes coming up are starting to sink in and I was able to really enjoy this Christmas :)
2) I have been taking a mini-mester. I took a government class online through BC which lasts only three weeks and I get three credit hours. The class was pretty easy but I had to write nine essays in the past three weeks so it has kept me busy during my free time trying to finish up the essays. But I did finish the class today so that is a relief.
3) New Years!! I spent New Years with friends and family and had a blast. This year has had its ups and downs but overall it has been a great year! New years also made me think about the year coming up. I am sure it is going to have its up and downs also. There are going to be some really tough times but there are also going to be some really exciting times. Lots of changes are going to happen this year but I all of these changes are going to keep this new year interesting and I think it is going to be a really good year in the end.
4) I have been working. Kohl’s has taken up a lot of my time during the evenings. I usually end up working till 10 and sometimes on the weekend. So if I don’t work right after school I come home do some homework go to work, work till 10 and then come home finish up some more homework and usually don’t crash until 11:30 or 12. And then I end up waking up early for school and start all over. As exhausted as I have been it has turned out to be a pretty good job. I do have some complaints but who doesn’t have some complaints about their job and it definitely is not a bad first job.
5) We have been packing up boxes to put into storage. I hate packing up stuff and it has especially stressed me out considering I have to think about packing for three different places. I have to think about the storage room here, the storage room that I will get in Dallas, and what is going to go in my dorm room in college. It makes me want to just throw everything into the storage room in Dallas and pull it out as I need it. I REALLY DON’T LIKE PACKING :)
6) I finished my last day of high school!!!! :) I walked out of Brazoswood high school on Friday after my last full day!! I have to go back on Monday after college and take a calculus final and then I have to go back on Tuesday to take a government final and then I am officially done with high school!! It has been very exciting for me and I start my college classes on Monday so we’ll see how all that goes.
So I think that is pretty much everything important that has happened in the last few weeks…and I'm impressed if anyone made it this far into the blog. But anyway a lot is going to be going on in the next few weeks too and I’m sure I will have lots more to post about that. So hopefully I will have a little bit more time to blog from now on and I won’t have to post catch up blogs :)
1) Christmas!! It was a great Christmas I got some great gifts and loved spending it with my family. It was bitter sweet considering it was the last of its kind for a while but the changes coming up are starting to sink in and I was able to really enjoy this Christmas :)
2) I have been taking a mini-mester. I took a government class online through BC which lasts only three weeks and I get three credit hours. The class was pretty easy but I had to write nine essays in the past three weeks so it has kept me busy during my free time trying to finish up the essays. But I did finish the class today so that is a relief.
3) New Years!! I spent New Years with friends and family and had a blast. This year has had its ups and downs but overall it has been a great year! New years also made me think about the year coming up. I am sure it is going to have its up and downs also. There are going to be some really tough times but there are also going to be some really exciting times. Lots of changes are going to happen this year but I all of these changes are going to keep this new year interesting and I think it is going to be a really good year in the end.
4) I have been working. Kohl’s has taken up a lot of my time during the evenings. I usually end up working till 10 and sometimes on the weekend. So if I don’t work right after school I come home do some homework go to work, work till 10 and then come home finish up some more homework and usually don’t crash until 11:30 or 12. And then I end up waking up early for school and start all over. As exhausted as I have been it has turned out to be a pretty good job. I do have some complaints but who doesn’t have some complaints about their job and it definitely is not a bad first job.
5) We have been packing up boxes to put into storage. I hate packing up stuff and it has especially stressed me out considering I have to think about packing for three different places. I have to think about the storage room here, the storage room that I will get in Dallas, and what is going to go in my dorm room in college. It makes me want to just throw everything into the storage room in Dallas and pull it out as I need it. I REALLY DON’T LIKE PACKING :)
6) I finished my last day of high school!!!! :) I walked out of Brazoswood high school on Friday after my last full day!! I have to go back on Monday after college and take a calculus final and then I have to go back on Tuesday to take a government final and then I am officially done with high school!! It has been very exciting for me and I start my college classes on Monday so we’ll see how all that goes.
So I think that is pretty much everything important that has happened in the last few weeks…and I'm impressed if anyone made it this far into the blog. But anyway a lot is going to be going on in the next few weeks too and I’m sure I will have lots more to post about that. So hopefully I will have a little bit more time to blog from now on and I won’t have to post catch up blogs :)
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
I need Africa more than Africa needs me
So I found this video last week sometime and I just can’t stop watching it. This video hits really close to home for me and honestly makes me want to pack up right now and move over there. Like the video says Africa does need our partnerships and our relationships. After going to Kenya with 410 Bridge this summer I realized that that is true and the people of Africa do need our help. But I also realized that on my end of the relationship I need Africa too. Every time I saw people dancing and singing and I saw their smiling faces and heard their laughter it made me think about my attitude. If I was forced to live in the situations they live in everyday I can almost guarantee that I would not handle it with as much happiness and joy as they do. The people in Africa taught me how to love unconditionally and find joy in horrible situations. I went over to Africa thinking that I was bringing something to the people their but I left being the one who received so much.
aids. starvation. child soldiers. genocide. orphans.
These are the images that come to mind when i think of Africa.
How can I help? How can I make a difference?
I think, "I am needed here...they have so little and i have so much."
Often there is a level of suffering here that is unimaginable, but it's hard to reconcile the challenges many Africans face with the joy I see in the people.
The images spilling out of my television showed only misery, and I was fooled.
I bought into the lie that circumstances define happiness.
In places where despair should thrive, I find adults dancing and singing.
Children playing soccer with a ball tied of trash.
Relationships provide faith and joy.
My new reality...
my joy should have no regard for my circumstances.
I want what I have learned to trickle down from my head into my heart.
I no longer want to need the "next thing" to have joy.
Africa does need our efforts and partnership, but for me...
I need Africa more than Africa needs me.
Because it is Africa that has taught me that possessions in my hands will never be as valuable as peace in my heart.
https://www.mochaclub.org/mochaclub/welcome
The link above is the link to Mocha Club's website. It has more information about the organization and what they are doing. You can join mocha club and you can also get the t-shirt that you see in the video on the their website.
aids. starvation. child soldiers. genocide. orphans.
These are the images that come to mind when i think of Africa.
How can I help? How can I make a difference?
I think, "I am needed here...they have so little and i have so much."
Often there is a level of suffering here that is unimaginable, but it's hard to reconcile the challenges many Africans face with the joy I see in the people.
The images spilling out of my television showed only misery, and I was fooled.
I bought into the lie that circumstances define happiness.
In places where despair should thrive, I find adults dancing and singing.
Children playing soccer with a ball tied of trash.
Relationships provide faith and joy.
My new reality...
my joy should have no regard for my circumstances.
I want what I have learned to trickle down from my head into my heart.
I no longer want to need the "next thing" to have joy.
Africa does need our efforts and partnership, but for me...
I need Africa more than Africa needs me.
Because it is Africa that has taught me that possessions in my hands will never be as valuable as peace in my heart.
https://www.mochaclub.org/mochaclub/welcome
The link above is the link to Mocha Club's website. It has more information about the organization and what they are doing. You can join mocha club and you can also get the t-shirt that you see in the video on the their website.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Missions...
I totally should be heading to bed right now but I have a really busy week ahead of me and don’t know when the next chance will be for me to blog. So I might be a little more tired than usual tomorrow but at least I will have gotten these thoughts out of my head and easier to process later on. Who needs sleep anyway…right?
So tonight our church had a concert to benefit International Justice Mission called Blackout Injustice. The Justin Cofield Band played and as a group we were able to raise $3,500 enough to free 7 people from slavery. AWESOME!!! Towards the end of the concert Justin was giving some background on the next song they were going to play and what he said got me thinking. He was talking about a mission trip he and his wife took to East Asia. He said on the plane ride home he was thinking about how he had flown all that way to minister and tell other people about God, but that he had never even done that with his neighbor. His neighbor, someone not miles and miles away from him but a few steps next door, had never heard about Christ. He went on to say that that’s when he realized that the word mission doesn’t just mean going around the world to share Christ with others. It also means showing Christ to people that you see every day, whether that person is your neighbor, your boss, your friend at school, or your family member.
That is what got me thinking. How much time do I spend telling my neighbors about God? I know that I have a passion for what God is doing around the world through organizations like 410 Bridge and IJM, especially in Kenya. I also know that it is my dream to spend time living in Africa showing people there God’s unconditional love. But knowing that this is what I want to do has led to frustration because the timing for that to happen is most definitely a few years down the road. I have spent time worried that somewhere in the next few years of college that my passion and drive to make my dream a reality will not be as important to me as it is now. I fear that I will allow things to get in the way and convince myself that things are just not going to work out.
So I have prayed and asked God to give me a peace to know that if the dreams I have are in his plan that he will work them out. But I have still struggled with what that means for me right now…today. So what Justin said really felt like God showing me what I needed to do. My passion for missions can stay important to me because I can use them right here in the Lake Jackson and next year at college. I can look forward to what God has in store for me to do in Kenya and around the world. But in the mean time I can do what I love doing and show God’s love to the people I come in contact with every day. I need to take the focus off of myself, my plans, and my worries and love everyone unconditionally, whether they live in China, Africa, India or right here in Texas. That in itself is missions and is what God calls every single one of us to do.
So tonight our church had a concert to benefit International Justice Mission called Blackout Injustice. The Justin Cofield Band played and as a group we were able to raise $3,500 enough to free 7 people from slavery. AWESOME!!! Towards the end of the concert Justin was giving some background on the next song they were going to play and what he said got me thinking. He was talking about a mission trip he and his wife took to East Asia. He said on the plane ride home he was thinking about how he had flown all that way to minister and tell other people about God, but that he had never even done that with his neighbor. His neighbor, someone not miles and miles away from him but a few steps next door, had never heard about Christ. He went on to say that that’s when he realized that the word mission doesn’t just mean going around the world to share Christ with others. It also means showing Christ to people that you see every day, whether that person is your neighbor, your boss, your friend at school, or your family member.
That is what got me thinking. How much time do I spend telling my neighbors about God? I know that I have a passion for what God is doing around the world through organizations like 410 Bridge and IJM, especially in Kenya. I also know that it is my dream to spend time living in Africa showing people there God’s unconditional love. But knowing that this is what I want to do has led to frustration because the timing for that to happen is most definitely a few years down the road. I have spent time worried that somewhere in the next few years of college that my passion and drive to make my dream a reality will not be as important to me as it is now. I fear that I will allow things to get in the way and convince myself that things are just not going to work out.
So I have prayed and asked God to give me a peace to know that if the dreams I have are in his plan that he will work them out. But I have still struggled with what that means for me right now…today. So what Justin said really felt like God showing me what I needed to do. My passion for missions can stay important to me because I can use them right here in the Lake Jackson and next year at college. I can look forward to what God has in store for me to do in Kenya and around the world. But in the mean time I can do what I love doing and show God’s love to the people I come in contact with every day. I need to take the focus off of myself, my plans, and my worries and love everyone unconditionally, whether they live in China, Africa, India or right here in Texas. That in itself is missions and is what God calls every single one of us to do.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
All That I Can Do
Ok so my prediction of me not being able to post so much has been right so far. But we are coming up on the holidays and I hoping to have more time to sit down and devote more time to blogging. And trust me if time allows blogging will most definitely be happening. I have so many thoughts floating around in my head these days…more than usual which is pretty unbelievable :)
Anyway I have been going through this period of sort of questioning God about the things that are going and are fixing to be going on in my life. I know my family and I are embarking on this period of change. I have this overwhelming feeling that I somehow am flying into adulthood way to fast. And yes this is totally going to be an “I told you so moment” but now that I am gaining that freedom that I have always wanted it freaks me out :) I can honestly say that I never would have seen Singapore in the plans for my family. Don’t get me wrong I am more than excited about what my family has been given the opportunity to do. But then other times I realize that my family is going to be thousands of miles away not easily accessible and I’m starting college.
I’m not sure how I’m going to adjust, but on the other hand I know I don’t really have choice. My family is moving soon whether I want them to or not. I am graduating high school in a few weeks whether I’m ready or not. I have to go to college and survive on my own…whether I want to or not. So these days my prayers seem to be overwhelmingly devoted to asking God to help me be content and okay with where I am going to be pretty soon. I don’t want to spend the next few years of my life dwelling on how my life is moving and changing faster than I was ready for. I don’t just want to survive life, I want to live every second of everyday and know that God knows exactly why I am where I am. I want God to show me how to love the things he has allowed my family and me to do…even if I never saw them as a part of my plans.
No, I’m not sure how I am going to handle my family moving…I hate goodbyes even for short periods of time. I don’t know how long it is going to take me to get used to all of this. I don’t know how I’m going to like being a “big girl”. But one thing I do know and the one thing that gives me comfort is God. I know that he will be the one I can cling to and trust to help me find the good in situations I don’t understand.
During all of my hours of thinking, praying, and thinking some more :) I have found the chorus to Bethany Dillon’s song All That I Can Do playing in my head over and over…
All that I can do is hold onto you
And follow where you lead
Where you're leading me
All that I can do is hold onto you
And let you bring me through
It's all that I can do
So I feel like I’ve kind of rambled on but here is the cliff notes version of this blog. I am feeling worried and nervous about what is going on in my life. But somewhere in the midst of that there is peace. God never fails and he is all I need. And with that promise I can allow myself to be excited and sit back and enjoy this ride.
Anyway I have been going through this period of sort of questioning God about the things that are going and are fixing to be going on in my life. I know my family and I are embarking on this period of change. I have this overwhelming feeling that I somehow am flying into adulthood way to fast. And yes this is totally going to be an “I told you so moment” but now that I am gaining that freedom that I have always wanted it freaks me out :) I can honestly say that I never would have seen Singapore in the plans for my family. Don’t get me wrong I am more than excited about what my family has been given the opportunity to do. But then other times I realize that my family is going to be thousands of miles away not easily accessible and I’m starting college.
I’m not sure how I’m going to adjust, but on the other hand I know I don’t really have choice. My family is moving soon whether I want them to or not. I am graduating high school in a few weeks whether I’m ready or not. I have to go to college and survive on my own…whether I want to or not. So these days my prayers seem to be overwhelmingly devoted to asking God to help me be content and okay with where I am going to be pretty soon. I don’t want to spend the next few years of my life dwelling on how my life is moving and changing faster than I was ready for. I don’t just want to survive life, I want to live every second of everyday and know that God knows exactly why I am where I am. I want God to show me how to love the things he has allowed my family and me to do…even if I never saw them as a part of my plans.
No, I’m not sure how I am going to handle my family moving…I hate goodbyes even for short periods of time. I don’t know how long it is going to take me to get used to all of this. I don’t know how I’m going to like being a “big girl”. But one thing I do know and the one thing that gives me comfort is God. I know that he will be the one I can cling to and trust to help me find the good in situations I don’t understand.
During all of my hours of thinking, praying, and thinking some more :) I have found the chorus to Bethany Dillon’s song All That I Can Do playing in my head over and over…
All that I can do is hold onto you
And follow where you lead
Where you're leading me
All that I can do is hold onto you
And let you bring me through
It's all that I can do
So I feel like I’ve kind of rambled on but here is the cliff notes version of this blog. I am feeling worried and nervous about what is going on in my life. But somewhere in the midst of that there is peace. God never fails and he is all I need. And with that promise I can allow myself to be excited and sit back and enjoy this ride.
Monday, November 10, 2008
We'll See How This Goes
So let me start this blog off by saying I am a thinker. I think way too much, all the time, and about things that a lot of times don’t really matter. So I decided to start this blog because I needed a place other than my brain to put my thoughts. My brain seems to overflow quite frequently and I kind of hope that this will be a place to unload, and to document what is going on in my head and in my world.
Before I start this all off though let me say just a couple of things so we both know how this is going to go down…
1) I AM NOT a writer, when I have thoughts bouncing around in my head the process of making them make sense to other people is sometimes close to impossible. Honestly I don’t think people understand me when I am talking half the time so I don’t promise that my writing will always be much better :)
2) I AM on the other hand a procrastinator so I am not promising that posting on here is going to be very frequent. Life and all that it entails is über busy right now and I have a feeling that blogging is not going to make it to the top of the priority list on most days.
Alright so now that those have been documented I’m going to give this blogging thing a whack and we’ll see how it goes…
Before I start this all off though let me say just a couple of things so we both know how this is going to go down…
1) I AM NOT a writer, when I have thoughts bouncing around in my head the process of making them make sense to other people is sometimes close to impossible. Honestly I don’t think people understand me when I am talking half the time so I don’t promise that my writing will always be much better :)
2) I AM on the other hand a procrastinator so I am not promising that posting on here is going to be very frequent. Life and all that it entails is über busy right now and I have a feeling that blogging is not going to make it to the top of the priority list on most days.
Alright so now that those have been documented I’m going to give this blogging thing a whack and we’ll see how it goes…
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